What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 01:41
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why cant I motivate myself to go to school (grade 10)?
All the time i was locked up.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Especially a lifetime of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
49ers trade a 2026 conditional fifth-round pick for Bryce Huff - NBC Sports
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Who then, do I blame.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trump asks Congress to pull $9.4 billion in funding for NPR, PBS and foreign aid - Axios
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Mountaineers Defeat Kentucky to Advance to Super Regionals - West Virginia University Athletics
It was going to be , some day.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Unclear if rock bottom, but Braves hit it anyway in 11-10 stunner loss - Battery Power
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Exclusive: Vivian Wilson Gave Us the Best Reaction to the Elon Musk-Trump Feud - Teen Vogue
I was very sick at this time too.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Dotemu’s CEO on how it makes new games that feel retro - The Verge
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The First in 30 Years: Scientists Discover New Class of Antibiotics - SciTechDaily
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
HBO and CNN owner Warner Bros Discovery to split in two - BBC
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I’m running away I live in Indiana what states near by are safe I’m 12 no comments?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it wasn’t much.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She loved him until the end.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im still living with it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She married twice! .
What did i know ?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She found it foreign!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was in good health!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have no regrets .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i lived it daily.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ive learnt so much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I waited trembling.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
We were not on the streets..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When she asked me how she looked .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
He knew the spot.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was scared of men, in general
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We all went to grammer schools
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I don,t even have a pension.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.